kaleidoscope

2009-09-06T18:05:00.000+08:00

love is a decision, is a choice, is a verb, is commitment. love is not a feeling.

2009-05-31T20:09:00.001+08:00

night festival is coming back :) yay!

2009-05-24T16:52:00.001+08:00

how long has it been since i last wandered around alone? last had coffee by myself? miss those times.

2009-05-22T22:18:00.002+08:00

while i still battle lethargy, lack of motivation and generally heart palpitations each time i'm going to work,

i truly really feel very blessed, cherished and treasured.

volunteering

2009-05-17T21:48:00.005+08:00

at the carnival, they were handing out those foldable balloons in different shapes. she held out hers which was the shape of a sword, placed it near the lower tummy and made a 'psst psst' sound with the long end of the balloon that still had that uninflated portion.

i looked at my partner, both apparently amused and embarrassed. and we let out an awkward laughter.

and she went on, 'psst psst, snake!'.

damn, what were we thinking? she is only 9! we adults are the ones with the corrupted mind.

nevertheless i had fun yesterday still :)

2009-05-14T22:49:00.003+08:00

once in a while, i peep at the site meter of my blog, and am often pretty amused, surprised, and curious- why do you people still visit my blog even though it was ages since i last updated? ha. i am honoured. thank u :)

HEY THERE, COME BACK SOON. I LOVE YOU. :)

Food for Thought

2009-04-26T19:50:00.001+08:00

Written by Lee Wei Ling, for the Sunday Times, 04 Jan 2009

In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: ‘Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always less painful compared to the private sector.’

Slump time has arrived with a bang.

While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.

Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore, have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.

A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.

A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.

The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.

The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn’t that the root cause of the current crisis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?

I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don’t believe in the supernatural and I don’t think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: ‘Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.’

My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today’s standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.

Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew’s home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.

Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.

But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.

No matter how poor you are in Singapore, the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore.

Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.

Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one’s own labour is one’s prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously.

But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering. After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to?

Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.

When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?

We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.

In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.

To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

2009-04-04T21:10:00.002+08:00

once in your life, you meet the person who makes you fall in love with him, over and over again.

and then you'll never want to part again.

2009-03-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

today feels surprisingly very okay, o wow why?

dinner date with my girly of 15 yrs

2009-03-15T17:52:00.002+08:00

how did we grow so old? it was primary three when we met, during an English remedial lesson on Saturday.

"Your English probably sucked."

"Well, yours too." (Laughters)

she was the new girl from Malaysia with the a laughter and demeanour so gentle you just want to befriend her straight away :)

thanks for introducing me to Double Bay. it was nice and comfortable just hanging around, let's do this more :)

regret?

2009-03-10T19:48:00.008+08:00

i suppose this whole thing about my entries centering on JOBS will go on for quite a while. stay with me while i grow through this whole episode.

i read a really thought-provoking article on 'O' mag on Regret yesterday.

it says regret is made up of two components - sad and mad. it suggests to separate sadness and anger so as to transform regret to something productive.

for example, my regret (at the present moment) is not taking the time off to seriously think about what i want to do before i chose my uni course.

i am sad. because of that, i am doing something i dont really enjoy now.

and i am angry. angry at myself for taking the easiest way out then. it was so easy to decide on my course because it is engineering - flexible (cos i didnt know what i want to do in life then). and chemical engineering - the most prestigious engineering course. i excelled in math and science. it seemed like a natural choice. i am angry that i am lazy.

i am angry that i made such hasty decision because the deadline for choosing the course was nearing.

i am angry that i didnt dare go against the social convention by taking a year or two off to really think. i just wanted my life to flow like all the others. now it feels like i took four years to end up in a place nowhere near where i really want to be.

i am angry with the education system for not encouraging students to explore their choices early. all that emphasis on math, science and grades, all that we are encouraged to study is what the society needs.

but what can i do now?

i am painfully trying to find out what i want while battling feelings of insecurity and giving up sometimes. i am afraid that after so much trouble and pain, i still dont end up anywhere.

i'm am trying to resist conditioning my mind to get used to dreading work. i hope i never find it acceptable to dread work, to dread mondays, to live for the weekends. how can this be life?

i hope i never give up on the thought that each and every one is sent by God to fulfill a role; that only when you find what you're supposed to be, would you feel every thing falling into place.

i hope i never forget that there is a difference between putting in effort and doing the job well, and loving a job and putting in your best and feeling like it's the reason you're here.

i hope i never have to look back and remember that once upon a time i had a choice to discover what i want but never overcame my inertia to. i hope i always remember that i have the power of choice; i am not a victim of circumstance.

i suppose it is good to know that life didnt throw me into my current state, i am where i am now only because i allow it to be.

and then i must remember that i am taking all these steps because i want to be responsible to no one, but myself.

finally just the last thoughts - i am thankful i dont enjoy my work this much now. or else it would not have spurred me to do something about it this badly.

2009-03-01T19:46:00.004+08:00

monday again tomorrow.

can't remember the number of times i sat on my bed reading the '7 Habits' or poring over the phone with louis thinking if my work is really what i want (no); then what is it that i want (i don't know); what dont i like about my job (plenty); can i quit? (i think i can); then what are you going to do? (it needs money) to I JUST DONT WANT TO WORK!

this whole working thing has been an entire process of self-discovery for me. initially i took on the job because i think it is a good match for my engineering background plus a bit of business. then when i started working, i realised i dont enjoy doing reporting/powerpoint presentation for management, and especially so if it is a weekly affair. i dont enjoy doing budget forecasting. i dont really give a hoot abt profit & loss. i hate it if i have to do work beyond monday-friday. i hate it that i am still on duty during weekends cos my plant operates 24-7. initially the distance seemed okay, but now i feel that jurong island is further away than bangkok. i dont like working in a constrained environment. and why do i work so hard when the money doesnt (really) go to my pocket?!

and then i realised it takes very little to keep me happy and contented - a book, a cup of coffee, a stroll at night, a run, and maybe an awesome camera.

so sometimes i ask myself why do i work and earn this amount of money and use the money to buy things that dont even keep me happy for long.

but i suppose every one needs to find out what they want and the process of discovering is different and sometimes difficult?

my brother shared a meaningful phrase with me a while back: "do something you like, and you never work another day."

sigh. i will work towards that.

what i learnt abt myself in the past few months of work:

2009-02-22T16:36:00.003+08:00

1. personal time is really important to me
2. i dont play and i dont know how to work around office politics
3. i dont like being called for work during weekends. detest!
4. i have no wish to climb up the corporate ladder. doesnt interest me.
5. it is okay to get a lower paying job if it is going to be less stressful
6. distance from work to home is instrumental in my next job
7. finding meaning in work is also important to keep me going. so what if the project brings xx% returns, not my problem!
8. monday blues really exist

2009-02-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

so many ways to live your life, which do you choose?

2009-01-25T21:56:00.002+08:00

hmm most other days i battle with feelings of inadequacy - of not being efficient enough, not quick-thinking enough, not smart enough, not PR-enough, not yada yada yada enough. a hint of stress and it is written all over my face and ppl can see it. and then i feel trapped in the midst of some politics going on between my bosses in my office. i cant help but compare my performance and progress with the rest of my colleagues.

and it is not healthy. i can feel myself withering. i dread work. i have terrible monday blues. i'm afraid of my bosses. eeks!

i need to learn to manage myself in this new phase of life, new environment, new people. i need to learn to believe in myself, in my potential. i need to see things objectively, i should take things positively.

blah, buck up wei ting! you can do it!

2009-01-15T22:46:00.002+08:00

i just received an email from my cousin. i know she had given birth two weeks ago. baby is premature and i had not visited her cos i was caught up with work.

then i was informed that she has pre-eclampsia. 75% blind in both eyes now. kidneys and liver failing. baby is only a kg light. one of them may not make it out alive.

and why do i spend all my time in work again?

someone more dear to me needs my support more than my work does.

2009-01-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

omg. shock is when you reach home from work to see 38 new unread mails in your mailbox.

2008-12-26T23:02:00.003+08:00

ooh i caught quite a number of movies recently and they are all good!

yay i like funny and light-hearted movies :)

now i just need some convincing to watch that IP man...

and i'm looking forward to Marley & Me the movie!

on a different note, how fast time flies, my long weekend is half over! hope every one had a warm xmas! :)

OH and crap, ASOS is having sales and i only got to learn of it today. how can they sell such pretty stuffs? *melts

2008-12-19T16:46:00.002+08:00

i am guilty to say this, but i am starting to enjoy my work. and it's great i have a new VP who will act as my mentor to guide me, who tasks me projects and send me for courses so that i grow as a person.

2008-12-15T22:45:00.002+08:00

i bought a new pillow recently. it contains feathers & down. it costs me 100 buckaroos. and it made my room smell like a duck's pens.

2008-12-08T16:23:00.002+08:00

time taken to sew the button: 5 mins

time i spent thinking/fretting/pouting about the button that dropped: 2 weeks

someone told me a very powerful advice recently:

action cures worry.

thank u :)

saturday updates

2008-12-06T21:29:00.003+08:00

has anyone seen this movie?? awesome! bolt (the dog) and rhino (the hamster) is sooo darn cute! i only paid $2.50 per tix (yay, company event). but even if it's $10 it's well worth it :)

and then just some photo updates! sorry i had been missing for sooo long!

pri sch gathering, how we've all grown!! i brought out my pri sch photo album just to scare all of them with our hideous looks last time. heh. in the next gathering we're gonna bring our autobiography book which was all the craze when we were in pri5/6. i rem like every one had one? and scribbled with silly poems like "roses are red, violets are blue". teehee

and then there's stanchart marathon tmr. zilch preparation, i'm dead. but will be running with my uni galpals, which makes up for it :)

plus early xmas celebration w my girlies at swissotel merchant court for buffet dinner tmr, so excited!

what else?

monday's a holiday! yipppee!

2008-12-01T22:42:00.004+08:00

like a little cheap thrill, i was WAY TOO HAPPY to realise 8 Dec is a HOLYDAY! haha! to think i was still fretting how am i going to work one day straight after my 10km. woohoo! and xmas dinner w my girls afterwards ;)

one damn cool thing about my company is that, (almost) every one runs! my manager is one of the rare two to represent singapore in world desert race this year and he has ran the 4 major deserts ;)

2008-11-27T21:21:00.001+08:00

working is such a *&^$@#, i need a rich husband! :~ blah.

ramblings

2008-11-22T20:31:00.004+08:00

met up with my uni friends yesterday for a let-loose and have fun session. then of course our topics mainly centred on work, and we all unanimously agreed that working is difficult and very different from school, and mostly because of difficult people at work. sigh.

lately i have been thinking, i need to get out of the rat race. why do people trade time after work, weekends and their personal life for a company that does not even belong to them?

blahhh. what a blah weekend, and work is on my mind.

2008-11-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

yesterday's run: 5km
time: 39:29

try harder.

2008-11-18T22:21:00.002+08:00

the all elusive work-life balance and urghh, i have no interest in office politics, please just let me get my job done!!

chuckle my toes

2008-11-15T23:36:00.001+08:00

Yan says:
so are we having gift exchange on 7 dec?
tingleme ･.｡✿ﾟ - says:
haha no idea
tingleme ･.｡✿ﾟ - says:
i will make a mental note not to buy practical things even when they said practical
Yan says:
no more ahver pls.
Yan says:
*shaver
Yan says:
haah
tingleme ･.｡✿ﾟ - says:
hahaha
tingleme ･.｡✿ﾟ - says:
you also not any better
tingleme ･.｡✿ﾟ - says:
umbrella leh

my new work

2008-11-15T18:06:00.003+08:00

hmm just an insight: i'm a Commercial Engineer, and my department is Business Development and Commercial. my dept looks into developing new markets for the company as well as manage current accounts/clients the company is doing business with.

a typical work week involves a lot of meetings internally as well as externally. maybe like 1/4 to half the time i will not be at my desk. currently on hand, i have two projects to oversee. i have to work closely with project management, operations, legal, logistics, finance as well as the clients to work out the details of the project. then i have to draft proposals and contracts which i will have to let my boss and legal to vet through. i also have to make sure that the project is well on schedule by pestering some team-mates. heh.

other not so interesting stuffs i do include daily business-as-usual stuffs like looking into billing discrepancies, and also answering client's enquiries.

my more interesting encounter in my first week: attending a meeting with client where the client is seeking compensation from us. very very interesting.

i find work so far to be interesting but also demanding and stressful. i will pick up!!

2008-11-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

does anybody still visit my journal nowadays? it actually feels a lil strange to even be updating now, considering that i have not updated since a long time. will write more about my new job soon, but all i wanna say now is, i get a lil tickled and jiggly every time i send out an email from my work account cos it says i'm an ENGINEER when i sign off.

hey ho i'm an engineer! :)

2008-11-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

just an update: i'm still alive, just busy! :)

while i went em aye ehhh

2008-10-17T23:13:00.004+08:00

i celebrated bestie's 23rd bday

met up w uni girlies

for a few pints of beer and a bottle of wine *hic

went for my niece's AKA

cutie pie's 3rd bday

and watched 'vagina monologue' with my travel buddy who has just left for her third grad trip!!! have fun jeannie! :)

then work my ass off.

update on non-update

2008-10-15T23:51:00.001+08:00

i am omfg busy! gosh, i'm working temp at a bank now and the hours are crazy! and to the loyal ten ppl who still visit my blog daily, thank you! i will update sooooon!

today i learnt the power of believing in yourself

2008-09-18T00:31:00.003+08:00

what a great time all of us had! so much fun talking about old school mates, digging up old and stinky primary school stories about each other ... o my, 16 years of friendship :) what added more excitement to the night was, we've decided we wanna plan a gathering for my entire batch of 1997! geez. :D

bleah-day

2008-09-17T14:50:00.003+08:00

me is in a bad mood. yucks. terrible bad bad bad mood. i had every thing planned out for the day, and the one thing that HAD to spoil it was, ME WAKING UP LATE!!! *ROARS* and while i try to prep as fast as i could, i had to waste time wondering what happened to my clothes, what should i wear....... and then despite me saying, no i dont need lunch, i found my portion still on the table just when i was about to get out of the house. there, i'll have to miss my movie. and then there were letters for me. from the school. fees to pay. arrghh!!! but the other letter is gst offset package = $$$. yay. there's still surplus. i went online, checked which other days is the movie showing, is it before 6pm? yes. good. i will use my not-so-student student pass for the concession rate. okay maybe i should go library to return my soon to be overdue books. and eat my lunch as well. then i wont have to eat outside.

BLEAHH!!!! i am living like a pauper!! sniffs. i need a j.o.b. and just where the hell is my life heading!!! grrr. it didnt help that my run was a miserable 39mins yesterday!! i hate side stitch!!! i hate it that while i try to relieve the left side stitch, the right side stitch comes on! blah!! i shall not eat mr bean kueh straight before a run anymore!!! but i'm happy i had daphne and christine for company.

!@#$%&*(*&^%$#@!!!!

okay it's not so bad afterall. thanks for hearing me rant. geez. heh.

running ramblings 2

2008-09-11T21:51:00.007+08:00

it's like a competition with yourself; you just wanna go faster, do it better. i can perfectly understand why some are so disappointed when in fact they have done very well. we did better than the last session, but still i cant help going, "huh, still abit slow leh."

i dont want this to take the joy out of my runs... so yay, we did better! :) i am especially proud of myself because halfway i actually had the thought of giving up and walk instead, but i kept telling myself, no you cant, just finish it even if you have to go slow. and i'm so glad i kept to it.

i had a cuppa coffee 1.5hrs before, and STILL i needa use the toilet midway. this is bad! i needa shift my coffee sips earlier. hmm. anyhow i read some articles about side stitches, and i tried to practise them today when i felt some erupting from my side:

- side stitches are spasms of the diaphragm while running; as a runner runs, the breathing begins to be synchronised with his steps, for eg, always exhaling on a left stride.

to avoid side stitches
- avoid taking shallow breaths while running; try to breathe with your belly
- purse your lips like in the case of blowing a candle when breathing
- if your side stitch is on the left side (like mine), exhale on your right stride and vice versa

if anything, i realised that there are so many elements to take care of when training for runs. you needa train your endurance, watch your diet, make sure you do enough warm up/cool down to prevent wearing off of your knees, as well as lil stuffs like avoiding side stitch.

distance: 5km
time: 35.02 mins
time/km: 7.0004 mins/km

flushed. this is endorphins loaded face. haha!! :)

anyway i had some girly fun last sat:

and look at pp's futile attempt to be cross-eyed! haha so funny!! zy does it the best! she looks cute in that cross-eyed pic. heh :) geez. i feel so happy.

hilarious

2008-09-11T01:05:00.002+08:00

you know. unemployed. nothing to do, but just have heaps of fun. heh ;)

running ramblings

2008-09-09T21:07:00.003+08:00

o my, i knew we ran short of a segment, but i didnt expect it to be SUCH a big segment! yes today is the official 5KM. haha. today's run is not as smooth as the previous, and hence i've decided to do a running log to record what works and what doesnt work for me. for one, a cuppa coffee half an hour before the run is not a great idea - it's diuretic effect had me running (literally) to the toilet midway to relieve myself. lunch three hours before had me gassing through out the run and i could smell, or rather taste, ba chor mee with chilli. and it gives me side stitches, which led me to walk a portion of the run.

on a good note, we are starting to mingle and chat with the friendly runners, especially the dedicated lead runners. it is a whole new welcoming community, and i love it! :)

and saying, "FIVE! we'll do better the next session!" to my great running partner at the end of the run always leaves me on a high. the 100 plus as well ;)

distance: 5km
time: 38.00 mins
time/km: 7.60 mins/km

next session's goal: i'm taking it easy, just have the timing faster! :)

CBD run

2008-09-04T21:01:00.003+08:00

woohoo! today's run is fantabulous!!! i feel good! :) i think i am right on track for 5km, 30 mins and no fainting spells or side-stitch! woohoo! next week we'll do even better, yea-hey! lalalaaaa :)

la-dee-da

2008-09-04T15:45:00.009+08:00

i think i have a few bad habits, like punctuality, sleeping habits, general neatness and stuffs, as well as some areas of my life that i would like to improve on. and these bad habits irritate me so! they have probably surfaced during my yearly resolutions quite a number of times and i have tried to do something about them. but there you go, yearly. maybe it's time to revise the way i'm approaching them.

so i've decided, i shall devote one week or two, or even a month to correcting one bad habit at a time and make sure i jolly well stick to it. i think the success rate will be higher. i will start with my horrendous and terrible sleeping habits. bleah. wish me luck! :)

on to other stuffs.

i think i've seen this motorbike at my neighbourhood before. and then just the other day while jeannie and i were in the cbd area for our gym session, we saw this! parked in front of a yellow wall, i thought it was purrrrfect! for a picture. the driver is so patriotic somemore. o and did you notice a rabbit perched on top of the front wheels? cuteness. heh ;) while we were taking pics, this bunch of indian businessman walked past and asked, "what are you doing?". which scared me because i thought maybe the bike was his. "eh, taking picture la, cannot is it?"

no we didnt say that. we ran off laughing! tsk tsk, such scaredy cats. heh ;)

and then the nike human race! look at the crazy crowd. i was half disappointed and half glad i didnt take part. what a perfect setting for a stampede!

i hope it doesnt rain later, like it had been the past few weeks. i'm going running with waiman! :)

note to self:

2008-09-03T23:17:00.001+08:00

- complexion is getting bad, SLEEP EARLY!!

cheap thrills

2008-09-02T17:52:00.002+08:00

o my, i cant believe i derive such cheap thrills from using biore's black pore pack! hee, will save you all from all the vivid descriptions ;)

and then

2008-08-31T22:40:00.002+08:00

and then all i could think of, was home. where i can shed all the walls i have, let loose, be crazy, bawl it out, and nobody will say anything. and then, my family still loves me.

animal cruelty

2008-08-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

source: kentuckyfriedcruelty.com

2008-08-30T01:51:00.002+08:00

i read this from nick's webby (click), and i thought hey that's inspiring! thanks for sharing, nick :)

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005 to the graduates of Standford University, California, United States.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

omg this is like how funny! :)

2008-08-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

oh! lovely day!

2008-08-28T22:10:00.004+08:00

i had been craving for mud ooze from ms clarity cafe for a week now, and so today i decided to just heck it. pile on the calories, man! but as i approached the wildly neon-coloured cafe, i saw a bunch of jc kids queueing outside. no good. i dont need shrieking laughters x 10 inside an enclosed area.

hmm, maybe i could do with chicago cheesecake from coffee bean as well. so i trudged from purvis street to suntec city, and you know what?????

omfg. 50% off cakes from mon to fri, after six pm. this is good shit! :)

one picture a day

2008-08-28T00:12:00.003+08:00

i've been thinking of doing a 'one picture a day' project, so for all the days when i have a chance to step out of the house, i would like to take a picture. hopefully it will help to brush up my composition skills, and it will be good practice since i've been reading a lot on photography. now, i just need moolahs to get a dslr. okay, maybe i need a job then. heh ;)

travel bug

2008-08-27T21:24:00.001+08:00

omg going through austria's page on lonely planet makes me soooooooo wanna go there and backpack. shucks. the travel bug is biting me again. urghh!!

gorgeous austria, source: lonelyplanet

hypocrisy - are you guilty of it?

2008-08-19T13:27:00.001+08:00

i love having friends as neighbours

2008-08-18T18:10:00.001+08:00

ting and pudpud says:
then what are u doing now
ting and pudpud says:
hmm
ting and pudpud says:
u wanna goo joggin?

for my girls from gg

2008-08-09T22:57:00.003+08:00

i was walking on the bridge that links suntec city to marina square. there were hoards of NDP participants; NCC land, sea, random performers, you name it, they are there. then as i walked towards the end of the bridge, i see light blue uniform. and they are cheering, something about throwing someone out of the window. i try to hide the big grin on my face.

eh, so typical la ;)

colour the world

2008-08-08T23:35:00.004+08:00

i dont care if you all say it's ugly, i'm damn proud of myself okie ;) look what i drew for the past two hours!:

hong kong

turkey! (for jeannie :)

feels good to draw again, after so long!

living a life you love is worth fighting for.

2008-08-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

girl therapy ;)

2008-08-04T21:21:00.002+08:00

and a whole lot of retarded photos we took but shall save some grace for all of us. heh ;)

singapore is NOT boring! ;)

2008-08-01T15:45:00.017+08:00

i went for a 5km run around the CBD area yesterday. it is a keep-fit initiative by the singapore sports council, and is a twice weekly affair, on every tues and thurs. participants can choose to do a 3km, 5km, 7km or even a 10km run. there is a big stopwatch at the starting/ending point where you can monitor your run timings. before the start of each run and at the end of it, every one will do warm up and warm down exercises together. there are even refreshments such as mineral water and 100plus after the run, all FOC, cheering and clapping included. heh ;) reminds me very much of running during my jc days. coolness. the pretty sights at evening time is a huge bonus. anyone interested? :)

jeannie and i went for this month-long night festival organized by the national arts council. ballerinas were dancing in the sky suspended from large colourful orbs; we were also treated to spectacular water and fire performances.

on another separate day, we went for ballet under the stars at fort canning park and were wow-ed by the graceful movements of girls AND boys. it's a free seating event, and every one brought their mats and picnic baskets to pig out while waiting for the performance to start. heh ;) now who says singapore is boring?

smile, you're on candid camera!

2008-07-31T16:39:00.004+08:00

just the other day i went to chinatown to jalan-jalan and i took some pictures along the way. when i went home to review my pics, i found one amusing shot:

my intention of taking this picture was just to show the sign "chinatown" with all the old folks going about their activities. and then i found these two uncles happily posing for my picture. cuteness ;)

in accordance to game theory.

2008-07-28T20:25:00.001+08:00

2008-07-26T22:45:00.005+08:00

i watched them load the steel ice cream compartment onto the lorry. by that afternoon, the entire motorbike was gone.

i wonder if they knew who the ice cream uncle was, because i do.

some mornings before i headed for school and stood by the kitchen window brushing my teeth, i see him loading his stuffs onto his ice cream bike. his wife would be helping him, and pushing the trolley back when they're done. he's too weak to carry them all by himself.

some nights around 11pm as i stood and gaze out from the window, i see his wife, almost like a clockwork, pushing the trolley down to transport all of the stuffs back home. i wonder if he comes home around this time every time. if not how does his wife know he is home? does he call her? or does she stand by the window waiting for the sight of her husband's bike?

sometimes i take the same lift as his wife, when she was on her routine pushing the trolley to help her husband. her hair all greyed, she has a slight hunch, and she looks blind in one eye. she thanked me briefly for holding the lift for her.

every day it continued this way. their routine became mine as well.

one afternoon i came home and saw the motorbike parked in the carpark - not the norm. and the next few days it stayed there. and then there was a funeral.

i felt a little strange. i do not know them, i dont know their name. yet the passing away of the ice cream uncle affected my life, my routine. no longer can i look lean against the window and see his wife pushing the trolley and helping him, nor hear the sound of the trolley wheels against the rough bitumen road. the bike is not there anymore, the slot is empty.

a part of my life just disappeared.

2008-07-25T20:20:00.008+08:00

as i stood by the basin in the toilet washing my hands, this kind malay lady standing beside me turned to me and said "congratulations!". i said, "thank you".

and then when i went around taking pictures with my professors, they shook my hands and said the same thing.

so did some of my coursemates.

every time it was muttered, i catch myself being surprised. why do they congratulate? it was as if i graduated by a sheer stroke of luck. like perhaps i was bordering on the brink of retaining for another year, and then i got lucky. perhaps they are congratulating me for being so lucky.

or maybe they are congratulating me for being able to kiss goodbye the arses of school life forever. or for making it this far. i don't know. this path had been laid and planned for me way before. it was almost a sure thing i will graduate from university. so why do they congratulate? i never was on the dean's list.

and i always thought 'congratulations' are meant for things like a promotion, getting married, or having a baby - events which not every one around you are experiencing.

maybe i'm just not counting my blessings.

congratulations is good. graduating is a good thing. phew, i graduated :)

2008-07-17T21:11:00.002+08:00

i think adding fresh milk (not those low fat, high calcium types) to instant 3-in-1 coffee makes it divine. sigh, it makes me think of fluffy clouds, somehow ;)

(beauty) shopping trip w 10km run partner-in-crime

2008-07-17T17:05:00.007+08:00

(guilty of not exercising) haha! ;)

wm and hm. haha ;)

i'm actually thinking of taking part in the Nike Run (click) this 31 August. i hope we'll be all preppy and good for the run by then.

i vaguely remember coming across websites which allow you to chart your run around singapore and the distance, but i dont remember what's the website now. anyhow i came across this cool website (click) - run-able routes near your place all around singapore! coolness :) okie waiman, we have no excuses now. o and yiting, someone actually put up the aljunied crescent run route! heh ;)

o and i think it's so shiok to be lazy on cushions, read a book, have a cup of nice coffee, and be tuning in to lush99.5fm. yay~

ripley's believe it or not

2008-07-17T13:25:00.002+08:00

wow sure or not, managed by his company, fans or what, i'm not complaining! the coolest singer is now my "friend", haha! :

yay ;)

my love don't cost a thing

2008-07-10T21:15:00.003+08:00

as J.Lo nicely put it, i'm sure it echoes the view of many girls too. I was chatting with my uni guy buddy two days back and he was lamenting what a bad boyfriend he is, because his girlfriend finds him practical and unromantic.

and then i found out why. he said being romantic means bringing her to an expensive dinner! omg, seriously!

hello guys! being romantic != spending alot of money! if you are not loaded, your girlfriend probably knows it. and if she is still together with you, she doesn't expect the most expensive dinner and gifts from you to show your affection!

simple stuffs like planning a date's activities, which does not have to entail expensive things, cooking a nice dinner for her, collecting her favourite things and giving them as a present, is also a very sweet and sincere gesture.

seriously, i, for one, don't think dining at pretentious atas restaurants where i have to watch my demeanour and where i would be too embarrassed to laugh out loudly (which i like to do, very much), is the least bit romantic. at all.

sometimes being romantic, to girls, just means spending a little more effort in planning and carrying the plan out, or a little more effort in selecting a thoughtful (non-expensive) gift.

now i wonder, when my brother says singaporean girls are too materialistic, is it just his warped perception of singaporean girls? because most of girlfriends are not (that) materialistic at all. or maybe my sample group is flawed. i have nice girlfriends ;)

doing the Karen Cheng

2008-07-06T18:35:00.004+08:00

i feel like a teeny bopper fan meeting her idol for the first time, well, it was the first time, and yes while i was walking to the venue, i was thinking, argh, can't believe i'm doing it. heh ;)

but all for a good cause. all proceeds will go to the red cross.

she is very very pretty and elegant, speaks impeccable english and has a sexy husky voice. it's like i could finally put a voice to all the words on her blog.

and very surprisingly i saw another famous blogger at the event.

visiting haji lane afterwards. my fascination with mosques and such after turkey trip.

ha :) hope you all had a good weekend!

2008-07-04T20:03:00.005+08:00

sometimes a part of me is afraid of taking on that unconventional step. if i choose this, what would people think, would my parents be shocked? would it then portray me as a different person to others? not a smart enough job, not glamorous enough, doesn't earn enough... my degree, would it even be needed? is it wasted?

it is so easy to lose yourself because of others' expectations of you. how they see you, how they expect you to be, the kind of job they expect you to hold; and because of all these expectations from them, you fulfill a little of their prophecy.

and then i ask myself, why? why do i feel pressured? why am i afraid? is it rational? who will be living my life? will i be able to face myself twenty years down the road because of this decision i make? who am i accountable to? why do i live my life according to people's expectations of me or to their definition of being successful?

and... so i say a little prayer. i hope in whatever path i choose, i will have the courage to stand up for myself, and to face all odds and discouragement thrown my way. at the end of it all, i just want to be as truthful as possible to no one, but myself.

omg, how did we grow so old?

2008-07-03T16:11:00.012+08:00

went w pp to collect our graduation gown and we each came home 100bucks poorer

"you cant use your camera here." okay, got it auntie.

and make a guess where we went??! ;)

woohoo!!! but it's such a pity the doors are locked. pfft, it was only 5pm. i'm just not used to the idea that schools close so early?

yay!

haha. old girls already *sniffs

this random table was just left outside the classrooms. pretty queer, but a nice photo prop. heh.

and then we found mrs audrey chen! she still looks as ravishing, still as gentle but a lil older. and she was coaching the boys basketball team. coolness :)

ha girls, you all are gonna love me for this. see that tee hanging on the wall? you all know what room is this huh ;) it's been ten long years, why's that tee still there?? :)

level 1 girls toilet, just outside the assembly plaza - doing what we always did. o and i wanna gossip, mrs o*ng mu*n ye*e is the new VP? aw shucks. how did it happen?

new old airport road hawker centre - woots! lotsa yumms :) i ought to be shot for staying in the east and not visiting the place at all. we tried to cajole zy to meet us but this workaholic is not free even for a drink lorr *tsk tsk.

pp's almond curd.

a swinging wednesday night. woots! what can i say? i love being unemployed. haa :)

reading the 'O' mag

2008-07-01T20:21:00.002+08:00

"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, win sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbour and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."

- Theodore I. Rubin

all left out

2008-06-24T17:31:00.002+08:00

i've recently set out to practise writing and drawing with my left hand. it may seem a lil queer that i'm doing this when i write and draw beautifully with my right, but i think this is an extremely good exercise for my brain.

i find it interesting that even though i have an exact idea how a beautiful 'a' or 'b' should look like, and how a square should be drawn, they just turn out differently when drawn with the left hand. it makes me wonder if it is because my right brain isnt as developed or is it because my left hand isnt as nimble.

okay this is so random i know. this is what happens when a person has all the free time in the world. heh ;)

my girly outing ;)

2008-06-21T20:22:00.006+08:00

of friendship, girliness, pink nippies, brazillian, and lotsa of laughters:

i love this bunch of girls sooo much :) friends till the end.

an excerpt

2008-06-18T16:18:00.003+08:00

so very well-written:

"One after another the countries of Asia have managed to free themselves from the colonial yoke and show the West the door. But now the West is climbing back in by the window and conquering without any plan, without any specific political will, but by a process of poisoning for which no antidote has yet been discovered: the notion of modernity. We have convinced the Asians that only by being modern can they survive, and that the only way of being modern is ours, the Western way.

Projecting itself as the only true model of human progress, the West has managed to give a massive inferiority complex to those who are not 'modern' in its image - not even Christianity ever accomplished this! And now Asia is dumping all that was its own in order to adopt all that is Western, whether in its original form or in its local imitations, be they Japanese, Thai or Singaporean.

Copying what is 'new' and 'modern' has become an obsession, a fever for which there is no remedy. In Peking they are knocking down the last courtyard houses; in the villages of South-East Asia, in Indonesia as in Laos, at the first sign of prosperity the lovely local materials are rejected in favour of synthetics ones. Thatched roofs are out, corrugated iron is in, and never mind if the houses get as hot as oven, and if in the the rainy season they are like drums inside which the occupants are deafened.

So it is with everyone these days. Even the Chinese. Once so proud to be the heirs of a four-thousand-year-old culture, and convinced of their spiritual superiority to all others, they too have capitulated; significantly, they are beginning to find it embarrassing still to eat with chopsticks. They too feel more presentable with a knife and fork in their hands, more elegant if dressed in jacket and tie. The tie! Originally a Mongol invention for dragging prisoners tied to the pommels of their saddles...

By now no Asian culture can hold out against the trend. There are no more principles or ideals capable of challenging this 'modernity'. Development is a dogma; progress at all costs is an order against which there can be no appeal. Merely to question the route taken , its morality, its consequences, has become impossible in Asia.

Here there is not even an equivalent of the hippies who, realizing there was something wrong with 'progress', cried 'Stop the world, I want to get off!' And yet the problem exists, and it is everyone's. We should all ask ourselves -always- if what we are doing improves and enriches our lives. Or have we all, through some monstrous deformation, lost the instinct for what life should be: first and foremost, an opportunity to be happy. Are the inhabitants happier today, gathered in families chatting over supper, or will they be happier when they too spend their evenings mute and stupefied in front of a television screen?"

- A fortune-teller told me by Tiziano Terzani

bear bile farming

2008-06-13T16:21:00.005+08:00

i just watched a documentary on Animal Planet, and it was talking about bear bile farming in China. the documentary documents the cruel and inhumane conditions in which 'moon bears' (or black bears) are kept and farmed in order to harvest their precious bile juice.

strapped to each bear's stomach is a metal contraption that has a tube piercing through the skin to the bile directly. the bear bile's juice is extracted through the tube, and never once will it be removed for the wound to heal. the bear is in constant pain.

the cage in which they are kept is small and barely sufficient for them to move around; often they are caged in for more than twenty years. these bears which are farmed for the supposedly medically precious bile juice often suffer from bile diseases, liver cancer, malnutrition and badly deformed body.

sometimes their paws are cut off because it is a form of delicacy/medicine too.

while i was watching the documentary, my heart ached so much for these bears. really, i think humans are darn selfish creatures at times. the current bear rescue team in China is called Animals Asia Foundation (AAF), and i hope that when the team brings about a higher awareness amongst people, they would at least flinch and cringe at this entire cruelty.

read more about it here and how you can help.

new portal

2008-06-09T16:02:00.003+08:00

i find N*TU's new web portal totally dumb. i suppose the majority of the users are the students and profs themselves, and yet, with the new portal, i have to click on the 'quicklink' on the main page before i can access the link to my email. with the old portal, i merely had to click from a dropdown list from the main page.

and then now they have this useful links for prospective students etc etc plastered very prominently at the main page. argh, seriously. i want to access my email pronto!

2008-06-07T18:37:00.001+08:00

what's fleeting, what's not.

what's real, what's not.

time seemed to be dropping some hints.

girly SATC, rosti and a few pints of beer

2008-06-06T23:54:00.009+08:00

movie w daphy dearest

and dinner with my IA ex-colleagues:

2008-06-04T14:38:00.002+08:00

throughout the entire semester before i graduated, i keep hearing news of so-and-so landed on a job, received a second job offer etc etc. and then i panicked. it seemed like every one HAS a job already. maybe i should start sending out applications?

and then after i am back in singapore, there is this massive campus interview being held by my school to aid jobless souls like me. i find myself dreading it and going there half-heartedly. i find myself wishing i was elsewhere lounging around and reading a book or a mag.

and then there will be helpful souls who will tell me, you know, you should have sent out your job applications earlier yada yada.

sometimes i ask myself, why the hurry to get a job anyway? who are we competing with? is it because we dont wanna lose out on the job opportunities? is it because the market doesnt look too optimistic now? or is it because some people want a headstart, so that they rise faster than the rest of his/her peers who get a job later?

i have spent 16 years of my life studying. i think i have been pretty conscientious through out these while. and i think i well deserve a break. now. to do whatever crap that i wanna do, that i've always felt guilty about doing because studies should reign supreme.

i dont care that people land a job faster than i did, i dont care that they are earning a few months more of salary than i, i dont care that they are working in a prestigious company, i just dont care. i dont see why i should get into the mad rush because every one is.

the only person who has a right to nag at me, is my dad, because i am still sponging off him. and he hasnt said a word.

i understand people's well meaning concern, but landing a job just because the whole world is doing so versus getting a job that i think i want and when i'm ready, you know, the choice is pretty obvious to me.

end of turkey adventure

2008-06-02T02:15:00.004+08:00

dear all i'm back! this is a bit lagged (well to make up for my jet lag), ha :) i will upload the pics soon, after i've done some editing on them (albeit unwillingly). it's such a pity the colours and contrast of the pics i took were not satisfactory. i must get to know the cammie better. bahhh. anyhow my phone has this weird thing of logging on to WAP by itself automatically for short whiles intermittenly, and it didnt bother me when i was in singapore. today when i saw my phone bill, i got a shock of my week. i was billed 180 moolahs for my phone's misfits! and that is only for the first 5 days of my turkey trip. i feel like fainting already. i hope singtel will waive off the rest for me, otherwise (and i really dont want to be :( ) i will have to be meannnnnnn!

update: 25may08

2008-05-25T15:32:00.003+08:00

just an update:

we tried to fly the hotair balloon today in goreme but when we reached there in the morning, the flight was cancelled due to unsuitable weather conditions! :( hopefully it will be good tomorrow.

we did paragliding in oludeniz beach, 2000m above sea level and it has been one of the best things this trip. will show you all the pictures soon :)

of all the cities we travelled to so far, i must say i love istanbul the best.

and i'm looking fwd to coming back. i miss my family and friends and too much kebab and turkish breakfast is not good for me. haha :) see ya guys soon!

beautiful turkey

2008-05-17T04:12:00.002+08:00

shoutout from turkey! i wish i could upload the pics now but the computer and internet here is too slow! it's spring now over here, and temperatures are crazily cold! the lowest could be ard 12C and the highest at only 18C? hmm it's really beautiful here and the people are really friendly; i wish i could converse in turkish fluently because that would have made the trip a lil easier and much more fun :)

will update again soon!

blogging from T3 Dep hall

2008-05-13T02:28:00.001+08:00

blogging from departure hall using the free internet com terminals now. cool stuff. T3 is very quiet and pretty :) have a good week every one!

jetting off!

2008-05-12T19:53:00.001+08:00

heya ppl

i'm flying off tonight. see you guys on the 31st may. hopefully i can find time to blog during the trip? haha! *love love

FYP presentation day

2008-05-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

omg. i HAVE graduated :((((( i already miss school.

turkey stuffing

2008-05-07T20:10:00.003+08:00

just to do a log:

07 May 2008 National Library @ Bugis. Planning for our trip:

woohoo ;)

grad trip

2008-05-06T01:46:00.004+08:00

i didnt feel like announcing to the whole world before i told my dad, and now that i have just told him and he has nagged at me about going there with just two of us girls, yada yada, i just wanna say...

I AM GOING TURKEY!!! :) :) :)

date of departure: 13th May 2008, 320am
date of arrival: 31st May 2008, 150pm

ooh and i'm flying off from the new T3, yipps! i'm in the busy midst of planning my trip still... i might wanna do a little travel log where when all's settled. thanks to special people who make this trip possible :)

i'd rather not

2008-05-01T17:13:00.003+08:00

i suppose people's inhibitions really do disappear under the effect of the alcohol.

"i've had a crush on you, i still have one now. and it's been over a year."

shocker. perhaps you shouldnt tell me. are we still going to be friends now?

little things that brighten my day (1)

2008-04-27T17:16:00.013+08:00

one early morning a few days ago, i awoke to a msg from my ex-colleague in so*xal:

"Hahaha fatty lim just realise that you wrote Maggie Lim and Humpty Dumpty on his stack of new uniforms! Good one! - Edwin"

gasp. i totally forgot how naughty i was/am. did i really do that? haha! ;P okay maybe i did. now i remember i had used a pink marker drawing flowers and hearts on the paper punches, staplers, computer keyboards and pasting strawberry shortcake stickers until my supervisor had to ask me to stop! ha, they need some girly elements in the male dominated lab, dont they? haha! tsk tsk. it put a smile on my face nonetheless, and it reminded me how fun/nice a bunch all of them are. aww. :)

2008-04-26T18:26:00.001+08:00

to bestie:

thanks for calling me just now :) feels good to chat with you after so long! dont be heartbroken, we're all here for you *hugs. cant wait for wednesday :)

love love.

and this marks the end

2008-04-25T21:20:00.003+08:00

after exams today:

daph (holding her camera) : "in this kind of light what should i use?"

me (still fuzzy from exams and blazing sun) : "sunblock."

"err, i was talking about the white-balance settings."

"okay, cloudy. (laughters)"

haa, i guess my train of thoughts probably went like: sun -> face -> freckles (urgh!). so bimbotic. haha!

anyway, i still cant believe i've taken the last paper in my entire undergraduate life! it's soooo uneventful. all i could think of after the paper was how the stuffs that i did memorise did not surface in much of the questions, and the lectures i've decided to gloss through came out in such big chunks! and my last lecture? i dont even remember which one was it! urgh damn!

maybe when i'm finally done with my fyp report and the poster design will i feel fully free (whee!)! but for now, i'm still in the state of, really? i dont have to cramp for exams anymore? my design project is REALLY over last monday? really really? i dont have to stay up late to rush them anymore???

awww. i'll miss all those late nights with my coursemates. in fact i'm missing all of them now. is this really the end of my undergraduate life?

photography

2008-04-23T15:42:00.001+08:00

every time when i come across photographs like this, i wish i was the one behind the lens taking such great shots. one day i hope i will be.

click here.

why we are not engineers

2008-04-18T01:24:00.003+08:00

while i was showing chen li a graph to calculate economics for our plant design project, she added, much to my amusement:

"actually, the scales of the log graph will make a pretty design for a dress."

and it tickled my bones so ;)

first day of exams for my final semester

2008-04-16T14:31:00.003+08:00

good morning. it was great waking up with you today, sunrise :)

3Bs

2008-04-12T18:25:00.003+08:00

it's one of those days when girls sit around and discuss the most frivolous and bimbotic stuffs, but yea, jeannie, chen li and i came up with the idea of the 3Bs.

we say god is fair - granted, most girls will only satisfy two of the three Bs, or at least that's how we observed. so it's a case of mix and match. which one to go: brains, boobs, or butts? not up to you to decide. haha!

SIFF

2008-04-07T23:38:00.003+08:00

me: "i'm watching 'Swift'."

jeannie: "Alone?"

"Yea, you can join me if you want to. i'll help you check if there are available seats.

There, there's still seats! in row C!"

"Where are you sitting?"

"Row N, which is right at the back i think."

"What? That means we're sitting apart? You at the back and me in front?"

"What's wrong?"

"Means we're not talking? Then what's the point of watching together?"

"We can always discuss after the show!"

"But we're not talking during the show?"

"It's an artsy film, people catching it are all artsy ya? you'll get 'tsk tsk' by people if we talk!"

"okay..."

haha! so technically speaking, i'm going to watch a show together with jeannie and at the same time watching a show alone!

anyway i just caught the first SIFF show this year (for me), and know what? it totally rocked my socks. after the show (which was called 'Amina', by the way) there was this Q&A session with the yemenis director, who was also the first female film-maker in Yemen. through her film, she brought attention to this lady, Amina, who had been imprisoned and sentenced to be executed, even though she was innocent. through the effort of her film, she helped in the acquittal of Amina, as well as other women who were in a similar plight as Amina. in a country where women's rights are repressed, i totally admire and salute director khadija for her courage and belief in making this film. she is such an inspiration. she had appealed to the minister and president of Yemen, for the making of this film and for the release of Amina and others.

moving on, i wanna talk about singaporeans behaviour. right before the film started, there was an appeal for the audience to stay back for a short Q&A session with the director who had flown in specially from paris for the single screening of her film in this SIFF. and yet when credits started rolling, almost half the audience left, much to my embarrassment. though not obliged to stay, i thought they could at least have the graciousness to stay, for at most 20minutes to show appreciation to this lady who had gone through so much just to shoot this film.

okay dinner time.

quote of the night

2008-04-07T00:28:00.001+08:00

"And that is the difference between becoming a real woman and just an aging female — because some women just age. Some women just get older, and they don't get any better. That's a line from Maya Angelou who said, 'Don't just be an aging female — learn to be a real woman.'"

my favourite sport

2008-04-05T21:06:00.011+08:00

i think i made a boo-boo yesterday.

i went for a test, and along the way, i got to know this guy who is going to the same place as me and most coincidentally, studies in the same uni as me.

so anyhow, after the gruelling 4 hours test with only ten mins break in between (no toilet breaks, only can go during that ten minutes hor), we decided to feed our famished stomach.

we sat down and started chatting about our soon to end school life, and he asked me what sports do i do, cos i look sporty! (flattered)

so i said, "i like to walk the dog", in a reply to his question.

and he fell silent.

"okay, i dont have a dog actually."

and he still gave me that stumped face.

"what's wrong?"

"why did you say you like to 'walk the dog'?"

"that was meant to be a joke."

"err..."

"okay, i know in yo-yo there's this stunt called 'walk the dog', i'm not talking about that."

"err okay."

"why are you still giving me that face, is there a double meaning to 'walking the dog'?"

so anyhow, he didnt explain, and while i was complaining to my friend just now, i realised, in my entire life, that a perfectly innocent phrase could have been distorted into something with an innuendo.(click on link) omfg, i am so embarrassed. to think i even took such great pains to explain that i dont have a dog and i wasnt talking about the yo-yo stunt. and no wonder his face then. seriously, MEN. i give up! haha ;)

2008-04-04T23:14:00.001+08:00

this year, i hope i'll grow stronger and i'll occupy my time with more meaningful stuffs. then maybe the emptiness inside of me wont debilitate me like it does now.

a different kind of memorable

2008-03-31T21:29:00.004+08:00

i wonder if life can get any busier than it already is for me now. with just one hour of sleep to boast of, i rushed to school to submit a report, prepared for a presentation due in three hours, and come home after lectures, only to start the cycle of report researching/writing again, for another dateline in 16 hours. and this will go on for another three weeks, where at the same time i'll have to prepare for exams. god save me.

bleah

2008-03-30T16:08:00.001+08:00

listening to rock songs using the laptop's speakers (which has no bass) is just spastic and muted.

the notebook

2008-03-29T22:11:00.005+08:00

o wow i sure didnt know, the lead actor and actress in my favouritest romantic movie 'the notebook' dated for three years. they had met on the set of the movie.

and then they broke up. late last year. this is so sad.

read about it here.

google it

2008-03-29T18:51:00.003+08:00

i've been working closely with a prc for a particular hell of a module, and getting to know her better has completely changed my misconceptions of chinese nationals, in a good way of course.

in her excited bid to show me what google tranlator can do, she translated her chinese name to english, and told me beamingly, that's why she calls herself amy.

and then i wasnt spared.

she translated my full english name to chinese, which returned some results that goes something like 'female *coughs* oink wei ting'. she turned to me and laughed:

"hahaha, i'm amused by google's candidness."

okay. so am i. hahaa ;)